footsteps of mine

"Deep And Meaningless"

I, I don't know why i miss you so much
Yeah I, I don't know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had
(Damn thats sad)

There are many things left to remind me
Of a love that I just can't leave behind me

If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

long time no see hey you blogspot dot com!

Wow, it is two - 0 - 0 - eleven ! Happy (late) new year! :)

Time is moving so fast and so am I (and you) who's getting older too this year. And the next year. And the year after the next year. And for every next year in the future.
This year should, I mean must, be a great year. Set new targets, set them high. And short. My experience in last year, my targets were too many. Therefore, many of them are failed to achieve. Now, I've set my targets in a shortlist to make it easier to be done.

My target is to be happy.
Nah, it's not a target. It's my obligation.

My targets are : get my driving lisence, have a part-time job, and increase my academic score. That's it. As simple as that. Oh, and win the lottery to London. *amiiiin

I came back after some journey into another social web to blog, like tumblr. And a few of my friends realized my absence here in this blog I'm so touched :')

Therefore, here I am, wrote the first post in 2011. I just realized how many social networks I've joined and I have no time to check them all. Well, not that many, only Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Tumblr, Muxlim, Care2, Fastweb, Zinch, YouTube, a korea-fan-site-which-I-logged-in-once-and-I-don't-even-remember-the-name-is, a fan-site-of-everything-that-I-also-forgot-the-name-but-it-has-'pop'-word-in-it, a Supernatural series fansite I-forgot-the-name-too, and ehmm.. yep, only those.

I've decided to close some of them, i barely visit them anyway, include Facebook. I'm using blackberry and I never open it, except for approving friend request and reply any message. I also not too often in changing status.

Twitter. I may say that I am VERY often here. You could tell by see my timeline . No need further comment about it.

I will keep some of them alive, they are : Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Muxlim, Fastweb, and Care2. And YouTube. And Zinch, perhaps. I'm planning to open it now. Nah, probably later.

Is this just me, or everybody else feel the same way that after you were active in social networks, you feel bored about them? Because I feeling that way. Dunno, lately, I seldomly open those networks. Only use it sometimes, and most of them because of important reasons.

You didn't? Well, not yet. You will find it later that real life is not always as cruel as you think. Real life could be waaaaaaay more fun than the imaginary world that you've drunk with. You will feel the sound of laugh with your friends, you will feel the hug to comfort you, you will find the adventure, you will see the naughty blink, you will find the nice of holding hands.

Social networks are great. But if you take most of your time in it, believe me you'll be bored. And boring. Get a life !

Sincerely, the survival of social networks addiction.

December 24, just woke up.
still laying on my bed when a message came from my auntie in my Blackberry.
then a short - weird - great conversation happened :

auntie : have you ever went to Bali?
me : yes, once when I was in junior high. log time ago.
auntie : what about go to Bali with me?
me : *surpirised* when ??
auntie : tomorrow
me : but tomorrow is christmast. I have to be with grandpa.
auntie : we'll depart on afternoon, the plane is at 2.30pm.
me : i have to ask mum first.
auntie : then hurry up, I'm going to book the tickets now.

*then I called mum, and she said yes

me : I got her permission.
auntie : okay. I need your ID number, birth date, age, phone number, *and blah blah blah
*she booked the ticket online EXACTLY as she talking to me at the blackberry messenger*

well, actually, it cannot b said as holiday.
we departed at December 25, 2.30pm from jakarta, arrived around at 7pm in Denpasar (Bali). Then, our plane home was departed at 3.25pm at December 27.
it was absolutely a visit, not a holiday.
but I enjoyed it enough :)

I ain't a shopaholic, just shopped stuffs for my parents and few friends as a form of formality that I went to Bali.

Gonna post some pic, but not now :)

here is one of them :



hope you all have a great holiday. real holiday.
and I don't mind if any of you want to kidnap me into your trip :p

above is one of my wishes list. well, I can't say that these are my list. I only have 3 wishes :

1. my exams done nicely and I will get good scores.

2. I wanna have my holiday somewhere far away. new place(s).

3. fernando torres biography's book. as you see above.

I will highly appreciate anyone of you who help my wishes come true :)

many of my friends told me about tumblr.
hmmmm,what is it?

so I tried it and made an account there.
It;s kinda interesting too :)
But i don't wanna leave my blogspot here.

what should I do ?

have you tried tumblr ?
what do you think ?

these words below are random stuffs that disturbed my mind a few days ago :

I am a twenty years old girl. yes, girl.
I am actually aware that even my age is mature enough, but sometimes I don't behave like one.
Face it, it is the reality.
But I do behave like one, depend on the situation :)

Things that bother me is myself.
If I illustrate my life as water, it will be a sea without waves.

What do you think?
You all will think that I am the happiest person on earth.

If I may judge myself, yes, I am not sad.
I don't even remember the last time I cry.
I feel annoyed sometimes, but I am hardly to be angry.
I don't see problems as problems. They are just temporary stuffs in my life.
I love to laugh and enjoy things in my life.

Do yo think I am the happiest person ?

Well, personally, perhaps I am not the happiest person.
I even cannot define what is being happy.
Something is missing in my life, but I don't know what is it.
Perhaps, my routine is bored me already.
I wake up every morning. drink. breakfast. watching TV. reading newspaper sometimes. take a bath. campus. tasks. tasks. hang out with friends. course. home. family time. tasks. sleep. then wake up again.
I do balancing the serious activities with the play time. But, it is still feel the same.
Like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love.
Gotta find something that make me feel alive again.
ahahahhaa, overrated ! :D

but yes, that is the best description :)

I have the long - term mission, I am on my way to achieve it. But, I don't have the short - term to do each day.
Maybe, the short - term mission is all I need to gain my enthusiasm back on track.
To feel the genuine happiness.

Ahahaha, what am I talking about?
If I read it again, it looks I am desperately lost.
No, I am not :)
Well, perhaps :p

How could you define happiness?
Let me know.

yep,
the title is true. literally.

semester 2 alhamdulillah saya bisa dapat IP cukup memuaskan yang bikin saya dapat 'kesempatan emas' untuk ngambil sks lebih banyak, 24 sks.

tanpa pikir panjang, saya sangat bangga dengan kesempatan itu.
tanpa pikir panjang, saya ambil kesempatan itu.
tanpa pikir panjang, saya ambil semua mata kuliah semester itu.
tanpa pikir panjang, saya ambil semua kelas yang menggunakan bahasa inggris.
tanpa pikir panjang, saya ambil satu kelas di semester atas dengan bahasa inggris.
tanpa pikir panjang, saya tidak berpikir panjang kalau pikiran saya tidak panjang dan cukup berkemampuan untuk menangani 24 sks dengan tiga kelas bahasa inggris dengan jiwa santai ala Jason Mraz saya.

hasilnya, UTS yang baru selesai kamis kemarin cukup menginjak mental dan saya rasanya mau tertawa terbahak bahak.
bukan, bukan ngetawain soal yang gampang. amit. NGGAK GAMPANG ITU SOAL.
tapi saya memposisikan saya diluar diri saya untuk menertawakan keteledoran, kesantaian, dan kebodohan saya -___-"

untung ada untungnya, ada satu, eh, dua keuntungan.
satu, salah satu kelas bahasa inggris ditiadakan, jadi harus masuk kelas bahasa indonesianya. fyuuh~
tapi (dan ada TAPI-nya) jujur, I don't even know what I have learn't in the last 3 months in that class. kebayanglah kalo saya beneran ambil yang kelas bahasa inggris.
akhir dunia akademis saya udah dekat rasanya kalo di kelas ngga ada yang bisa dimasukin otak, selain isi 'chatting' di kertas sama ninda atau michelle.
terima kasih pak dosen menyadari hal ini dan memberi kami hand - out bahan untuk UTS SEMINGGU SEBELUM UTS.
lumayan untuk dipelajari sebelum UTS ( walau pada kenyataannya ngga dibaca juga) dan untuk digambarin di kelas (untuk bertahan hidup dari ganasnya rasa kantuk).

untung kedua, dari kelas NGOs, UTS kita open book dooong~
hellooooo, nothing can better than that!

tapi ( sekali lagi ada TAPI-nya), pas UTS harus ngumpulin article review sebanyak 3000 kata.
terdengar enteng ya, 3000. kayak mau jajan cireng aja 3000.
tapi asal tau aja, ngerjainnya setengah mati pake tenaga luar sampai tenaga dalem.
artikelnya tuh 21 halaman dalam font segede piyik dan dalam bahasa inggris tentu saja.
artikel macam mana yang panjangnya 21 halaman, heloooooo ?
untuk pengerjaannya butuh proses panjang, 'agak' menyenangkan, dan cukup memakan biaya.
saya dan metha berusaha mengerjakan bersama. beda topik sih, tapi kadar stress pengerjaannya beda - beda tipis laaah~
kita berusaha nyari tempat belajar cozy buat ngerjainnya, mulai dari rupil Unpar, McD, hingga Reading Ligts.
tentunya, ngga akan lengkap tanpa ada yang masuk perut, jajan jalan, tugas jalan, dan duit jalan (pergi meninggalkan dompet)
pulang sekitar jam 6 sore dan pas pulang berusaha melanjutkan lagi.

tahap terakhir penyelesaian paper itu adalah H-1 dari deadline.
begadanglah kami para mahasiswa untuk memgerjakannya.ngerjain sambil chatting dan twitteran.
saling tanya "uda sampe mana lo?"
"uda berapa kata?"
"referensinya gimana?" atau beberapa tweets lainnya yang tidak bisa disebutkan karena agak frontal sebagai bentuk ekspresi betapa kami 'menikmati' tugas ini.
terakhir, paling tweet dian "jangan lupa makan ya teman teman" sambil mention ke saya, fandi, meta, dan teman teman seperjuangan lainnya.
asal tau aja, makan adalah prioritas saya dan selalu didahulukan sebelum apapun :)
FINALLY ! tugas berhasil saya selesaikan sekitar jam 2 pagi.
ngantuknya udaaaaah, to the max. tapi saya inget besok UTS open book NGOs dan haruslah bikin rangkuman biar lebih gampang dibaca.
FINALLY (again) saya mulai merangkum beberapa slide.
FINALLY, rangkuman selesai jam 3 pagi dan saya tidur.harus bangun subuh dan ke kampus karena ujian jam 8.
besoknya, mengerjakan UTS dengan santai dan berwajah layaknya zombie.

oya,
dan ada tugas paper juga buat UTS, tapi lebih manusiawi lah.
artikelnya cuma 2 halaman dan disuruh review-ny amaksimal 3 halaman.
sebenernya sih ngga begitu sulit buat saya, bisa cepet (belagu).
tapi pas pulang les jam 5, jemput mama bareng papa, eh, diajak ke PVJ.
alhasil, saya baru pulang jam setengah 10 dan alhasil tugas itu selesai jam 1 pagi.
naasnya, saya baru baca tweet dari tiara kalo flash disk saya ketinggalan nemplok di lapotop dia dan tanpa flash disk, mana bisa nge print tugas buat besok?
zzz~
besoknya, ke kampus telat dan sekali lagi bertampang zombie.
janjian ketemuan dulu sama tiara buat ngambil flash disk, mindahin file-nya dari laptop ke flash disk, dan nge print.
batas maksimal tugas dikumpulin jam 10 dan saya ngumpulin jam 10 kurang lima.
ironis ?
ngga, berarti saya ngumpulin terlalu cepat karena ngga tepat waktu jam 10.

tugas dan bahan kuliah 3 bulan ini adalah mulai memasuki tahap luar biasa.
peraturan dari babeh soal cuma boleh nonton hari sabtu dan minggu aja udah mulai berlaku. ngga ada waktu juga sih buat menye menye nonton.
kalaupun ada waktu buat menye menye, itu pasti buat rileks dengerin musik, makan, dan lebih utama lagi, TIDUR.
sisanya diapake buat ngerjain tugas (individu dan kelompok) dan ngapalin bahan kuliah (terutama dari dosen hukinter saya yang luar biasa).

saya stress dan depresi?
lelah mental lebih tepatnya, rasanya pingin libur setiap 3 hari sekali deh.
untungnya, Tuhan menciptakan saya dengan jiwa santai layaknya Jason Mraz yang bebas lepas.
walau cape mental, tapi saya bisa 'santai' ngerjain tugas.
itu, tugas paper yang saya selesaikan sampe jam 2 pagi, ngerjainnya gimana coba ?

gini : twitteran, YM-an, bolak balik buku buku tebel kayak tahu raksasa, ngetik, dengerin MP3 sambil ikutan nyanyi dan joged.

si metha diceritain cara saya ngerjain paper ini langsung komen :
'0' Kok bisa ya ada orang kayak elo ?

well, that's me.
beruntunglah bagi kalian yang juga punya jiwa Jason Mraz kayak saya. terhindar dari kegilaan dini.
tapi mendekati tahap stress terselubung.

belom lagi berbagai job desk dari organisasi di kampus. ampun deh.
kalo kata si naya : kita diekspolitasi.

tapi yaaaaa beginilah hidup saya dengan 24 sks.
saran saya, kalo kekuatan mental dan otak Anda silakan ambil kesempatan jatah maksimal sks.
jika nggak, segera ambil sesedikit mungkin sebelum Anda mengalami kegilaan dini ataupun mati muda tanpa pacar.

DAN SEMUA ITU BARU 3 BULAN PERTAMA, masih ada 3 bulan kedepan hingga UAS yang harus diantisipasi.
kayaknya jiwa santai itu harus mulai dikurangi, dialihkan dari jiwa santai untuk mengerjakan tugas, ke jiwa santai untuk bersantai.
harus mengurangi jiwa santai Jason Mraz dengan diganti dengan jiwa santai HErmione Granger.

dear Hermione Granger, I don't mind if you wanna posses me. I really don't mind.

tapi intinya sih, still, do what you wanna do with your own syle.
*aseeeeeeek..

ingatlah motto saya dan raka untuk proritas Anda di kampus : we have to survive !